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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946646">I never gave a Ratt's ass</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratsassbutfatsass/pseuds/ratsassbutfatsass'>ratsassbutfatsass</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Kurama is a cat, M/M, Moving, One Night Stands, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:02:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946646</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratsassbutfatsass/pseuds/ratsassbutfatsass</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>While looking for a simple place to stay after moving back from out of state, Sasuke is met with unfortunate circumstances. Other than being forced to live with four roommates, one of them is a certain blond he met and never forgot all those years ago. And if it means he can enjoy his favorite band and get some peace and quiet, well, he might just kiss the first person to finally give him that.<br/>Join Sasuke in his quest for love, money (college is harsh), and surviving with four idiots.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aburame Shino/Inuzuka Kiba, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Hyuuga Neji/Rock Lee, Nara Shikamaru/Temari, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Back for More</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He was always annoying. Loud, crass, emotional, unreasonable, loud, did I mention loud? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I dealt with his shit for 5 years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>5 years.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first time we met, it was only because he was loud. Homeroom was one of the many classes I noticed him and I shared. He was always there, someone no matter who you are and no matter what you do, you’d notice him. His bright orange sweaters and sweatshirts that he must’ve had a stockpile of, his bleached-like blond sea urchin-like hair that somehow looked incredibly soft, his loud comments that made him the class idiot, just everything about him was noticeable. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And for the first year of our mutual knowledge of each other, we only glared at each other. He always had that dumb inferiority complex of his, and because of it and his thick marrowed pride, he’d glare at me when I excelled. And that was 7th grade.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>High school began and he changed. Of course he was still an idiot and all that but his grades were dropping and even I knew. Four years passed by with my face glued to the books, and him somehow passing. And then there was graduation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Somehow the dumbass misheard-yes-misheard my name as his. So instead of Uchiha going up and getting his high school certificate, the absolute </span>
  <em>
    <span>dobe </span>
  </em>
  <span>skipped up happily to get </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>certificate. I stood in the column between the rows of people </span>
  <em>
    <span>shocked</span>
  </em>
  <span>, this had to be a joke, right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course going up for </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>certificate was bad, but midstage he </span>
  <em>
    <span>trips, fucking trips,</span>
  </em>
  <span> in front of the dean and everyone else watching. Everyone laughed of course and he, visibly uncomfortable, laughed but still walked up to the dean. And then the realization dawned on him. So yes, to say the least, he’s noticeable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After all of that, I was accepted into an out-of-state university and thought I’d honestly never see him again. Two years lazily passed by as I studied my ass off, worked, barely slept, barely ate, barely anything. It was a cycle that would scare any normal person off, but as an Uchiha I was bound to get through this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finals of my second year were over, and I was offered an internship. It was good; paid better than most places, was near my hometown and had less competition. I wasn’t worried for the last part but I did about the second. It was the best offered internship for accounting and law, which were some of the classes that could help me in the future with the family business, and were kinda forced on me. After a month of my brother Itachi grueling me about it, I accepted. There was only one problem left though, where the hell would I live?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I was due to move out of my shitty apartment in a month after my contract ended, but everywhere I looked, it seemed as though no apartments were available, shitty or not. Patiently, I was waiting out my last week of the contract when my ball python, Orochimaru, got sick and had a whole hassle start. I spent over 1000 on the vets and the treatments, which meant my savings were also thinned out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I was frankly screwed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The week was coming to a close and Itachi once more decided to visit and ask how I was doing. After 4 beers and 5 shots of fireball, I basically spilled out what was going on and started crying while wearing Orochimaru like a necklace. He has the video as blackmail, and in fact blackmailed me to trust him and let him help.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That is how I ended up in front of a large complex with a little slip of paper and a number scratched onto it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The complex in and out was propper, and honestly I expected the place Itachi almost forcefully made me go to was going to be the same, and the people living there would also be that way, and I cringed thinking of it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Damb him and his stupid damned ways.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of being greeted by a prim and proper bitch, Shikamaru, a genius too lazy to think unless he forces himself to, was standing-well leaning-well ok almost laying on the door, giving a lazy smirk that made me reminisce of the high school days. I was both thankful and not that this would be the place I’d hopefully be living in, so maybe at the dojo I won’t kill Itachi, just glare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, let’s get this over with.” plopping down, Shikamaru out of nowhere took out a thin stack of papers. He lounged and started going over the points of living in an apartment that everyone out of the nest knows, guess he’s guessing I lived with my parents for the past two years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pets are allowed but please at least warn us. Well those are the most important points I was basically forced to cover. There are 3 other people living here, and no, I’m not one of the people subsiding in here, Neji was just too busy.” oh god not Neji. The guy hated my guts since the minute we first made eye contact. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t really mind that, there are 3 bedrooms right, should I sleep on the couch?” Shikamaru barked out a short laugh. At his laugh he startled a cat, that honestly myself I didn’t notice. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>incredibly </span>
  </em>
  <span>fury, like I could already sneeze from the fur coming off its coat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh sorry Kurama. That’s one of the other people’s cat, I do wanna warn you about him by the way, Kurama’s nice and all but he’s...weird. But also, no. The couch is one of the roommates.” I stared at Shikamaru for another minute, then back at the cat, which at a second glance not only was its coat thicker than an orange frankenstein of furs, but it was also notably overweight. I didn’t even ask why one of the roommates was sleeping on the couch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t mind cats, but well actually I wanted to mention that I have a ball python, they are these pretty small snakes and honestly they’re completely harm-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it, snakes aren’t that weird in this apartment.” Shikamaru cut me off and I stared at him. What the hell else went on in this apartment?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, ok, no that’s great.” I was too relieved to even ask what the hell else had been here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s a dog in the house too, and well sometimes the guys might have someone stay a bit over. Shino actually stayed here for a bit with his bugs-remember Shino?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, w-” Shikamaru cut me off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that doesn’t really matter right now, just be aware there’s a dog here too, I think him and Kiba are on a walk right now, would explain them being gone.” I almost choked, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Neji and Kiba. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The guy who hates me for no reason and the guy I just can barely keep myself from slamming my head into the wall from his stupidity. For a second I even considered being homeless than living here, but then I remembered I need a table, and if anything I could just lock myself in some room-or heck even a closet would work!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, well do you want me to sign the contract today or tomorrow?” after fumbling with the papers for a second, and scanning the coffee table for a pen followed by a swift move to pick up the said pen. I swiftly signed the papers, knowing even if Shikamaru had it out for me that he wouldn’t stoop so low.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, everyone should be coming eventually so you’ll meet all your ‘roommates’, if you will, eventually. Your room is the smallest, sorry about that, but Naruto’s room is bigger because he, more often than not, has some random person over.” huh, I guess more than 3 roommates.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wait.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Naruto?” I said barely above a whisper. My mouth was probably visibly agape and my brows furrowed just hearing the name. Oh hell no.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The one person I argued most, who annoyed me the most, who behaved like a literal child and was </span>
  <em>
    <span>just plain annoying.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I didn’t even notice Shikamaru’s rambling and the nervous glint in his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Neji did mention in the first email who else lives here, why are you so shocked? Plus, Naruto isn’t that bad, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’s annoying, loud, crass, dumb too, but he’s a nice guy.” through all the rambling and words that were falling out of my old pal’s mouth, I realized something. He’d sent me emails beforehand warning me of this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To begin with, I didn’t know Shikamaru didn’t live there, nor that Neji was in charge here. And the person who told me they found-</span>
  <em>
    <span>of course it was Itachi.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I sighed, holding my head in my hand and before Shikamaru could even ask, “I-my brother set this up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shikamaru looked at me for a moment with a blank face, while I just huffed a laugh. It was too late to get out of the contract, first, second, I couldn’t afford to live anywhere else anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, at least you’ve accepted your fate.” the faint smile on Shika’s face turned to a grin as he got up and stretched, pointing to the second door of the hallway, “That one’s yours” he said calmly. I set in my head where it was and joined Shika in standing while he began making his way to the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The others should be here soon, just don’t be troubleso-” a knock came at the door, and we both stared into oblivion for a split second, but of course instead of the door being opened, a lock clicked and in came the inevitable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello Sasuke, long time no see!” What surprised my eyes was Lee, a sane-er kid that was competitive with me for tennis but still nice, unlike Neji. He waved politely which I returned with my usual stoic face, but no reply.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, you-” I pointed at Lee who was unpacking grocery bags, but still looked at me when I spoke. “-Kiba, Naruto and Neji.” I finished listing as Lee also finished putting away the romaine lettuce. Shikamaru nodded. “You’ll survive.” he said that as he walked out the door, probably knowing full well the hell that was about to rise from the depths.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lee went to rambling on about how the ‘system’ they had in the house. Honestly, with the brain power behind the people, and that’s not including Naruto, I wasn’t surprised they had some dumb system in place. Of course when he dragged me to the kitchen and I saw 3 colourful, laminated posters, with ‘chores’ and names written at the top, my jaw dropped, and I almost did too from laughter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I myself get groceries so that everyone will have an amazing diet suitable to youthful people, Neji does the taxes and official things that we are not that good at, Naruto cleans and Kiba…” he paused for a moment looking to the side with his bushy brows furrowed more than usual. “He cooks very well, but never cleans after himself, so Naruto ends up angry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I was shocked firstly that Kiba could cook, AND not poison the people who ate it, let alone get compliments. Of course, one shock after another, Naruto cleaned. And I remember vividly how I used to get teased by him for being girly, oh how the tables have turned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could do laundry...hmmm, but Naruto does it most of the time too. Maybe Neji could get you one of these things too?” Lee continued to murmur his thoughts, while my mind was shutting down knowing this is where I was going to be living for the next 12 months.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, he doesn’t need one, it’s just for the kids.” years had passed and I still recognized that stuck-up voice immediately. Neji. Once I located him in the shadows of the hallway, I almost felt bad for the guy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had dark circles hanging under his eyes, though he had changed; for one his hair was as long as my silence, and for second he looked like a parent that had their children on a leash 24/7, wearing comfortable clothing and mitten-like socks that even I was jealous of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, I’m sure you have enough shit-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Language.” Lee interjected. Neji only sighed heavily before continuing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit, </span>
  </em>
  <span>to keep you busy, unlike the 3 </span>
  <em>
    <span>children </span>
  </em>
  <span>I have to deal with on a daily basis.” Lee looked upset and shuffled out of the kitchen like a kid after being told by his parents that the grown-ups were talking. I tried stifling a laugh, to no avail of course.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look like a single parent dealing with 3 ADHD prone 9 year-old boys, just to clarify.” he looked at me as if I not only hit the nail on the head, but also the head of the last nail closing his coffin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have no idea how </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span> I am to have another </span>
  <em>
    <span>adult </span>
  </em>
  <span>in the house. I don’t care who, just-my brain, it’s melting from the dumbasses I have to live with. One’s in art and photography, one’s in a PE major, and one’s in culture and history-” I laughed out loud hearing the majors, while Neji himself cracked a smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and so while I’m doing chemistry reports, one of them talks about how they want to try out for nude modelling, one about balls hitting harder than balls, and the last trying to psychoanalyze it all and bring it back to a culture in Burkina Faso.” He paused both of us laughing to the comment, I had a feeling whatever was in the past between me and Neji, was in the past. “How am I still sane.” We laughed again, and started talking about the process of me moving and anything notable, he even said he was excited to meet Orochimaru.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then there was a sneeze in the hallway as we began discussing our roommates again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And there was the kid I hated to this day the most. Orange sweatshirt with the local college’s logo, blue jeans, and an angry yet confused face to complete the look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The hell is Sasuke doing here?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>very polite.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Seems I voiced that because almost immediately he scoffed and rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, like I have a single reason to be polite.” he sighed, struggling to get his combat shoes off and stumbling. I, of course, laughed at his struggle and he of course tried to hide his face out of embarrassment. Just like old times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He approached the kitchen, walking past me not even sparing me an additional glance. I felt my smirk tug down but ignored it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh don’t forget to finish your chores for today, Naruto.” they both laughed making me definitely feel out of place, I sat down at the little island table in the kitchen watching the blond fumble with a pack of instant ramen. I cringed remembering how much he ate that while I knew him. The two kept on chatting, but nothing in particular stuck with me and I remembered I needed to start actually moving in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should probably start getting my shit together and attempt to be better.” I said as I got up slowly, stretching as Neji was about to say something out, when I noticed. I noticed Naruto was very still and very silent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“WHEN DID Y’ALL LET SASUKE MOVE IN, AND WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh boy, this sure is going to be interesting. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WuB WUb Wub, scrUb SCrUb Srcub.<br/>my brain should be cleaned from it's sinful self, but alas, here I am to deliver...something....<br/>tell me what yall think of this whole first person thing! cus i highkey not lowkey dont know whether I like it or not (might change it up and do a repost) </p><p>more to come ;-)</p><p>NEW NOTE:<br/>i've really worked on the plot of the story and been thinking on it more, PLUS I'm working on another fic outta frustration with the show :-)<br/>SO, if ya wanna participate with the whole process or wanna see some first versions of my chapter and poles (there will be many!) go follow my twitter @rickityrrrat <br/>See ya there ;-D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Round and Round</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sasuke is trying to get used to living with four people he also learns to call lunatics.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>To say the least, Naruto lost his shit.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He yelled, shoved his finger in my chest, then Neji’s, Neji got angry and scolded him like a little kid that’s gone too far, after which he looked at the floor, mad yet clearly on the verge of tears. I felt a pang of guilt but it was still satisfying to see him get put down and shut up by someone other than Iruka. After hissing at Neji that he hated him, literally just like a kid, he stormed off to his room and thankfully didn’t slam the door shut. At least the door slamming didn’t come from him as I thought for a moment.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kiba came next, and to say the least the little puppy he brought to school senior year grew. And quite a bit. The dog I couldn’t remember the name of was half his height, and I knew Kiba was tall, even in high school he was tall. He grinned at me, I guess happy to see me.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you look at that, another Uchiha showing up outta the blue!” strutting into the hallway, he peeled off his coat and threw it onto the couch as the big dog right behind him followed suit onto the couch. His footsteps were heavy and sounded more like an elephant stampede passing through the living room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let me guess, Itachi.” I faltered knowing I was stuck here, it all seemed nice now but knowing the people I was stuck with, it was all going to go to hell.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That guy kinda scares me.” Kiba said after aggressively glugging down a cup of water in what had to be under a second, maybe he too was a dog, or just some sort of wild animal. He snorted soon after, “I heard Naruto losing his shit from way down the complex hall.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know how Naruto reacts, christ I swear sometimes that guy’s a kid.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Grande logique.” the same sea urchin haired </span>
  <em>
    <span>kid</span>
  </em>
  <span> walked completely unfazed, as if the whole argument hadn’t happened. Is he bipolar? If not he’s building a strong case. He walked past the little kitchen island, taking long strides to the ramen he left-</span>
  <em>
    <span>oh. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I almost snickered out loud seeing his stupidity blossom in fall, he truly never ceased to amaze.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Y’know I’m still gonna move in, there’s really nothing you can do about it.” it was probably the second time I’d have spoken the whole night, and he turned, raised his arm with the instant noodle, and even though I expected him to make my hair ramen flavored, he slammed it on the counter before squaring me up in my face again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop with the condescending shit, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sasuke.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” my name was no less than hissed out, and in the most venomous way possible, those vipers Itachi keeps for fun have nothing on that tone. “I wasn’t born yesterday you assholes,” he paused looking at Neji for a strong moment, holding up the strongest glare I’ve seen from him as of yet. He sighed, turning around and stomping off once more. I couldn’t help but laugh.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Of course that laugh dug me a grave. His head snapped back and I swear I heard it crack, but hearing it crack also dug me a grave. Lunging at me, he attacked like some rabid animal, which honestly scared me. Neji slammed him down, which scared me more becuase he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>slammed a person into the ground. </span>
  </em>
  <span>While I was staring at this all wide-eyed, something warm and soft yet </span>
  <em>
    <span>firm and painful and-Jesus Christ.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before I knew it I was on the floor, dodging Naruto’s fists with millimeters to spare me. He could pack a punch and I could tell by the glint in his eyes he was out to get me, so I was going to use that brain of mine to-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Goddammit, fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>hold still.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” his elbow was a mere </span>
  <em>
    <span>nail away from my fucking chest.</span>
  </em>
  <span> All my thoughts of impending doom and the wake and how my family would kill me-again-stopped. Kiba grabbed the rabid animal on my chest by the scruff and began to drag it away much to the very animal's protests.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I do think you deserve to get pummeled because you flashed a red flag to a bull, but it’s only your first day here, so I’ll save your ass-” Naruto kicked his shin. “From the little </span>
  <em>
    <span>monster</span>
  </em>
  <span>” this time his knee.”</span>
  <em>
    <span>YOU provo-OW NARUTO!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>this time his manhood.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Naruto dusted himself off, Neji laughed from the background and Lee went for the-the first-aid kit? Oh whatever, least of our worries. Naruto cleared his throat as Kiba whined like a dog on the floor. Even his own dog seemed concerned for the people involved.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“While I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>a little monster-” he said now turning to look at me with a saddened and now serious expression. “You were being rude, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes, </span>
  </em>
  <span>hipocritical because so was I-” and now he was rambling like he did everytime he had to say something serious and </span>
  <em>
    <span>not stupid. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“BUT,” sighing, he ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath as I stared him down with a blank expression. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In a flash of a second he was down. Kiba getting exact revenge. Even I cringed at the amount of unborn lives being lost. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now that things are settled” Kiba was breathing heavily, still recovering from the damage done. “Glad to see your back, Sasuke.” smiling, the dog man-child grabbed Naruto by his scruff once again and dragged him off to the dark hall, the white furred dog following suit after its owner.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was all a whirlwind, this apartment, the people in it, everything. Naruto’s relationship with me was a mess before and after we began college, and now I was left to deal with the fallout of our rivalry/friendship/foeship. It was a mess that neither of us cared for taking care of or cleaning up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well that was fun.” I almost scoffed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Indeed.” Neji said enthusiastically, clearly not regretting his decision of letting me move in. Lee came in with that first-aid kit, and with Neji, the two stalked off to treat (?) the patients newly diagnosed with a lack of children. Standing up and pushing my way through, I figured it was time I called sata-Itachi. Planning moving is offly stressful, and frankly it’s best to just get started. That is ignoring other roommates’ protests.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After calling him </span>
  <em>
    <span>5 times, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Itachi finally answered. By all means he doesn’t have a life, but yet he still can’t answer his goddamn phone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey </span>
  <em>
    <span>asshat.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” hissing I only got a kurt chuckle on the other side. I sighed. “I’m moving in.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>“That’s good, little brother. But what do you want me to do about it, you only have a few things that you yourself can easily gather and move. You could even ask one of the few friends you now have nearby.” </b>
  <span>Not only had he read my thoughts but also established he set this all up. I sighed again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Itachi, you need to stop doing this.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>“What exactly, little brother.”</b>
  <span> I sighed </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Seems my sighing statistics have skyrocketed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He did this quite often. He’d say he was off to go do fuck-all in hell knows where but then he comes back and is plotting something, and it always has to do with me. I tell him not to interfere with my personal life, but then he does. He just doesn’t consider my boundaries and currently, I am not too happy with that trait of his.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I tell you time and time again to not interfere with my personal life and my decisions.” I almost growled out my lines but held together, grunting finally and then continuing “I know you only were trying to help but the rent isn’t exactly the price I would prefer, so the least you can do is help me move my stuff and let me glare at you.” he chuckled lightly at the last part and it made me loosen up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>“Fine, fine. You’ve convinced me. I’ll pick you up in 18 minutes.”</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oddly specific but ok. Don’t take your time, I’m waiting.” with that, the call was over and I was left with a fat cat near the couch I was on, and a </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>comfortable couch. And I mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>comfortable. I absolutely understand why Kiba sleeps here and not in a bed. It was warm and just melted away any stress or discomfort in you. My eyes were like lead, and they were starting to close, the comfort was just too much. Itachi would get in </span>
  <em>
    <span>somehow, </span>
  </em>
  <span>it’s not like he’s done it before.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As a pleasant dream of swapping out the sugar with baking soda in the kitchen counter swept over, so did something on my chest. Well not really swept per say, more like squished. And squished it did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I even lost my breath when </span>
  <em>
    <span>whatever it was, </span>
  </em>
  <span>landed itself on my chest. It was big and warm, but yet was slowly and steadily </span>
  <em>
    <span>crushing </span>
  </em>
  <span>my ribs. I tried ignoring it, I really did! But it was getting worse with every moment, and soon enough my lungs felt as though they would collapse alongside my ribs. I spit out some fur that I didn’t notice was in my mouth as I tried to continue ignoring it and move to my side. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fur?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Quickly I opened my eyes and couldn’t move as it anchored me in place, there sat a fat, orange cat, and it had a look in it’s eyes, like it was ready to not only crush my internal organs but to also suffocate me with a thick layer of cat on my face. My arms couldn’t even lift it, how much did this thing weigh! Even over my grunting, I heard shuffling then a high pitch voice only a crazy cat-man would use on their pet.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that my boy…” a long pause as the shuffling got closer and I continued to grunt and literally </span>
  <em>
    <span>weeze</span>
  </em>
  <span> at the cat crushing me. “Kurama?” with </span>
  <em>
    <span>one hand,</span>
  </em>
  <span> the Gulon was swooped up and hugged tightly by Naruto, now it was being crushed with a stronger force of adoration. Karma truly is a bitch. This though, made me reconsider whether or not Naruto was strong, even with skinny arms he lifted a beast </span>
  <em>
    <span>with one hand. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The memories of the cat crushing me gave me a shiver.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you met Kurama before, well, this?” surprised Naruto was actually trying to converse with me and not let his cat crush me, I gawked at him for a second. But only a second!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hn, I saw him, didn’t really give him any attention or anything.” Naruto smiled as he pulled the cat in closer and it started breathing heavily. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s why; he loves attention.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not the type you're giving him though.” I checked the time just in case, and with 5 minutes to spare I chose to start making my way to the lower level, I was not avoiding Naruto. In the corner of my eye I saw him scowl and shift Kurama so that he was holding him with his fat belly facing towards me and his front legs over Naruto’s arms.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you have somewhere to be?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>curious as ever.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I do. And seeing you lack a response, I guess you're also aware of your poor cat's lifestyle of being tortured.” Smirking I opened the door but still heard protests from the inside. I’d deal with that later.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As I hoped and prayed, Itachi was standing at the entrance of the apartment building. 3 minutes early, but I’m sure he would’ve waited either way. It wasn’t too late in the day, and as he had said, I really didn’t have many things so I could probably manage to get everything moved in one go.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>My things were boxed up already, resting depressedly in Itachi’s house, waiting, praying. I was here to save em. Very self righteous, won’t you agree? We loaded up the total of 9 boxes into Itachi’s car and went back to the complex. They were different sizes and weights, and when I walked in, I personally expected someone to help another person struggling and grunting as their older brother plays with the apartment's local fat cat. To say the least, Itachi liked Kurama, and I had a feeling he might like Naruto too, so he had to go, and now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sadly though, my prayers weren’t answered this time, at least to an extent. Naruto walked out of his room on the phone, brows furrowed, tiny notebook in hand, jotting down notes in his chicken-scratch language only he himself can decipher. He continued walking all over as I drank my bottled water he threw at me a minute ago, probably out of concern for how heavy I was breathing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Nar-” I was cut off. Not by words, no. By a glare that could </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually kill. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After shushing me with his glare, Naruto went back to ‘mhm’-ing and ‘uh-huh’-ing whoever was on the other side of the line. He went through every cabinet and </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Itachi explained briefly he had things to do, and considering how he was playing with Kurama, he probably actually did. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He left, and I was left alone with Naruto.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Finally, after what seemed like forever, Naruto put down the phone and looked about with a grimace over his features. If anything, his rabid state did scare me, but knowing what could have caused the young man to look </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>upset had me even more afraid. I would just have to brace up and deal with what was to happen.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>"It's coming."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I HAVE MORE TO UPDATE I SWEAR!!!!!1!1</p>
<p>SORRY for disaapeareing on yallllll ahhhahha i Honesly struggled to get chapter 5 and this chapter too all polished up so i hope yall like it</p>
<p>also ratt is a real band as youll come to see ;-)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Hello, Goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Naruto POV!<br/>Somehow things get worse and scarier for poor little ol Naruto.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sasuke moving in was bad, getting almost all my children aborted before they were conceived was bad, but Sasuke insulting my cat, calling him <em> fat, which he is not by the way, </em> then saying I-me, a loving parent, who would <em> never-torture my cat. </em>I was angry.</p><p> </p><p>After that whole ordeal, I-of course-confronted Sasuke, but he ended up leaving. Well, obviously because he’s just such a coward. I couldn’t help the smirk that was starting to sprout on my face knowing he ran off. (Probably to get his things, but still he ran off!) </p><p> </p><p>Sitting in my shared room, with my child Kurama on my lap, while staring intently at my other child, my Roland Jupiter-X 61 key synthesizer whom I refer to as Roland, I was quite happy with my part in our little standoff. When my phone started to go crazy with calls on the other side of the room while I was enjoying the company of my children not so silently, I’d assumed it was Kiba since he said he’d go get us some beer, and left it. It got annoying very quickly though and as I reached for it and checked who the caller was, low and behold, another Uzumaki was waiting for an answer.</p><p> </p><p><b>“You have 2 seconds to explain why you weren’t answering your phone.” </b>There aren’t many things I’m afraid of, in fact, that’s what makes people think I’m dumb, but that tone, oh gods I fear it. My mom must be livid.</p><p> </p><p>I gulped, the clock was ticking and I was going to answer with whatever I had. “Sorry mom, I was busy with college work.” years of living with her, it’s come to make me think in the moment, no matter how dangerous it would be. There was a pause on her end, and it made a bead of sweat roll down my cheek.</p><p> </p><p><b>“Oh, my doll Naruto is so grown up he can’t even call back his own mother! Poor boy!” </b>I couldn’t help but sigh knowing that for the moment, I was safe. And now, the hardest part:</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“Have you been eating well?”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“You’re not just adding vegetables into ramen, I would hope?”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>First part passed, and no lives lost. The same questions in the same order, I’d be more afraid if my mom changed up the questions and the order once she ran out of things to talk about. The formula shouldn’t break, and all good should be restored and yatta yatta. Now we square up.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“Alright, most recent dish you’ve cooked?”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Oatmeal.” an innocent half-lie. Truth was, I hadn’t even had time to have lunch, nor the impending dinner, so my breakfast oatmeal would have to count. College actually was making me busy.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“Nuh-uh, boy. You aren’t fooling me with that.”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Huh? What’s wrong with my diet this time, mom?” I just noticed I had been blankly staring at the wall in front of me for the past few minutes.</p><p> </p><p><b>“You hate oatmeal and it’s consistency.” </b>I had a feeling I knew where this was going. If she would complain for longer than 2 minutes, it almost ensured she’d stop by later. I got up abruptly, even her end picking up the noise.</p><p> </p><p>“Mom, don’t worry, I’m eating fine.” My door creaked lightly and the shuffling on the screechy floor made her cringe, even though I couldn’t see her, I could certainly hear it.</p><p> </p><p><b>“Well, how about I stop by later.” </b>by all means it wasn’t a question, but a statement. We continued chatting, her about work, myself about college and my art classes. I didn’t mention Sasuke though, she never really liked him. I was going through all the cabinets and had already pulled out a recipe from who the hell knows where as she continued talking. By the looks of-</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Nar-” to say the least the receiver of my glare deserved it. I was measuring out how much we had of everything, never a good baker because I always messed up somewhere on the measurements, <em> oh god especially with the calculations when you're doubling the portion </em> , so I was not going to be put off by-well, Sasuke apparently. Some other guy who I assumed was his brother walked out after another brief word with our new roommate. <em> Great, left alone with an asshole. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“Well, I’ve gotta finish up some stuff, but I’ll be there at 8, ok? Not too late I would hope?”</b>
</p><p>I internally groaned, it was already 6:02 pm. This was going to be one hell of a trip. Feeling bad for Sasuke I mouthed to him ‘it’s coming’ and seemingly he understood.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure, sounds perfect. I’ll make sure everythings in order.” I put on a cheery voice while I died inside, I already grabbed my wallet and was putting on my coat when Sasuke stopped me by the door. After my mom hung up and I put my phone into my pocket, he finally decided to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“So what was that about?” I had to bite my lip to stifle a laugh, but if any of us wanted to live, he would have to learn the way of Kushina Uzumaki.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, Sasuke, laugh if you want, but my mom’s coming over and I’m telling you, be prepared.” he blinked twice and I only then noticed he was still holding my arm. Shimmying out of his grip and rubbing one of my hot cheeks, I walked out, leaving Sasuke on his own. But of course he followed.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, but then where are you going?” his face was blank as he asked away and shuffled with his coat.</p><p> </p><p>“Store; we don’t have any dried rosemary, that and zucchini, also marinara sauce.” I couldn’t help but sigh and look down, thinking if I missed anything else. Nothing I could really think of…</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go too.” he was just trying to entertain himself in the front rows of my panic state. <em> Great guy right there.  </em></p><p> </p><p>I went on, completely ignoring his existence, and he went on too. The store wasn’t crowded, and I was getting the ingredients in a blur, almost walking out without paying. Sasuke, <em> oh so politely, </em> nudged a bruise onto my arm as a reminder that we live in a capitalist state. I’m not into Russia, trust me, that’s Lee’s thing.</p><p> </p><p>We paid, and I quite literally ran out the store. The trip home was a bunch of me almost going into traffic and my bodyguard saving my ass. Maybe I am kind of glad Sasuke went along with me. </p><p> </p><p>Getting home I slammed the door and saw Naji hanging out with Lee on the couch, which was a holy thing Kiba found who knows where. It scared me the things he found sometimes. Like once, he just ran into our room and started going crazy over this camera saying it could show us ghosts. I wonder where that camera is now…</p><p> </p><p>Snapping back to reality, I almost screamed out my roommates’ names.</p><p> </p><p>“My mom’s coming in about an hour and a half.” they looked scared, but I know I did too. Lee bolted up and ran to his shared room, while Neji ripped the groceries out of my hands, knowing all-too-well I only got what was needed. After telling Neji what I was going to cook, Lee came back with all sorts of rags. Good.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok, ok everyone. Remember, aware not anxious.” It was a saying I picked up somewhere. “Watch the time. Lee tidy up <em> everything. </em>” We had a moment of speech with our eyes, I’m not sure what he said, well with his eyes, but he did look scared.</p><p> </p><p>It was 6:37.</p><p> </p><p>I grabbed Sasuke by his arm, he was the only one who was watching what was unfolding and taking no part. Not with Kushina. No no no. I dragged him into my room, and sat him on the bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, you need to be dressed.” My nail was getting obliterated by my teeth and I kept murmuring my thoughts, which I would <em> never, </em>especially in front of Sasuke of all people, but I wanted to live, so whatever.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, no. Your taste is worse than mine.” he said in a sly and snarky voice.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Christ, Sasuke.” </em> I almost weezed his name out and stared at him in absolute stupor, he stared back, keeping up the same snarky ass-vibes. Maybe he deserved the wrath of Kushina. Maybe I should just leave him to his own. <em> Y'know what, </em></p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, ok.” I laughed lightly knowing his end was coming. “I guess you're right.” my eyes were closed as I thought of my next move, I knew I’d have to cook, set the table-</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke’s eyes were literally digging into my soul. I even shifted under that stare, for crying out loud, <em> I </em>was uncomfortable! Wherever he learned that stare, I knew his question without looking once again.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s-well-you see, hah.” my words were a mess, this was just not fair! My face burned under that stare, I just couldn’t deal with it. So yeah, maybe I left the room in a hurry, but he doesn’t need to know that I’m willingly ignoring his faults so that my mom will go crazy on him. </p><p> </p><p>I went to cooking like a horse in blinders walking down a road. I just refused to look to the side, let alone what was going on behind me. While one thing was in the oven, another was being chopped on the board. I was always sloppy with my cutting, but under pressure it was even worse. Once I cut myself the first time, I washed it off and ignored the stinging that cursed kale was bringing upon me. Second time, god that one was deeper, cabbage disinfects, right? Third, even Neji cringed. Fourth-</p><p> </p><p>“God, you're such a <em> dobe. </em>” now, if you ask me what that means, hah, no clue. Ask the guy saying it. In fact: “What does that even mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t matter.” I wasn’t paying attention as he bandaged my fingers, which were bleeding quite a bit by the way, but more blood was beating through my heart. I made an odd noise even I can’t describe, I did though, somehow cover it up behind a sharp inhale and a cringe of genuine pain. </p><p> </p><p>“Let me cut it.” I blinked. Maybe my eyes were mishearing things? Eyes can hear? Is the world spinning or am I just moving all the time and I don’t even know it and that makes the world spin. I am confused by such statements, and that one was no exception. “<em> Dobe, </em>” there’s that word again. “you clearly have no clue as to what you're doing.” He left smug, making me feel defenseless to his kind actions-hold up what?</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Asshole, YOU say I can’t cut. Bitch, wat..ch </em> ...me.”  <em> cut you up! </em>Even though I couldn’t finish my words because of what I saw as I ran into the living room with scissors, Neji and Lee were staring at me like I just pressed a button debtonating all atomic bombs in the world at once. Maybe I did, considering the last person staring at me in the room had flowing red hair and a red expression to match.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Dear, </em>how my boy speaks nowadays.” I gulped very audibly, Sasuke was going to be fine considering I was running in the hall with scissors, cursing, and my hands were wrapped in bandages. And now that he was covering his laugh and only fueling my fire further, I swear my eye twitched. Kushina thought it was at her.</p><p> </p><p>“I <em> swear.” </em> as she quickly approached me, I hugged her with the biggest, <em> fakest, </em>smile I could ever muster.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Mooooooom, </em> wow it’s been so long.” I had a nervous laugh and felt as though once she got those scissors it’d be my <b>kaput </b>and I’m in the French courses. I shoved em somewhere in the blink of an eye, they were our only pair so I was a bit closer to being safe. That was me being positive about the knives.</p><p> </p><p>“Aw, Naruto, it’s been so long. Why are your hands wrapped up like some sort of present?” another nervous laugh and beads of sweat were practically pouring off my face, but not really since it was quite cold out in the autumn, that aside though, my mind raced against time and existence.</p><p> </p><p>“He wasn’t being too bright with the knife he was making dinner with.” Sasuke said so nonchalantly from the kitchen with that same knife in his hand, calmly chopping veggies into victims of some sort of serial killer. That aside, as always he only angered me.</p><p> </p><p>“Uchiha Sasuke.” my mom finally looked from me. And that knife wasn’t as sharp as the daggers she was sending his way, he was screwed.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, mom, haha” even I felt kinda bad for her future victim, even considering the past with said victim. “You see, ah, Sasuke’s a new roommate.” now I was the receiver of those daggers.</p><p> </p><p>“Roommate?” her voice was strangled with an emotion I myself couldn’t describe. “Aren’t there enough of you boys in the house already? And where is he going to sleep?” </p><p> </p><p>“Guest room.” and Sasuke was back to answering her as if it was a casual conversation, and at this point, let him dig his own grave. There was a pause though, the two stared at each other as I would with Lee.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you wrap Naruto’s hands?” another silence continued as the front door opened. Just to make it worse, Kiba had two bags in his hands, which I knew were beer. He smiled at first, then he cracked and started crying before running off into our room with the bags. The stare-conversation continued and didn’t even break for a second for either to glance at Kiba. And just as it started it ended, Kushina even went to help the asshole, <em> plus </em>, she didn’t even lecture me about language. Yet, at least.</p><p> </p><p>Dinner was well, and for some <em> unholy </em>reason Kushina took a liking to Sasuke. I just kept asking why in my head, and sadly got no answer. </p><p> </p><p>As always things just had to get worse.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>BOO!<br/>Bet ya didn't see this update coming ;-)<br/>glad I could give ya'll something to enjoy, any and all feedback is welcomed!<br/>Sorry for the short chapter too :-p</p><p>note: all the chapters are named after songs, and no Sasuke isn't just into Ratt but other stuff too that I might reference in title later on, but for Naruto it'll be primarily older songs and stuff (I know Hello goodbye is basic, but I couldn't find a song title that fit better :-0)</p><p>If ya'll wanna be part of the writing process or see any versions of chapters that don't get released or just reply to poles to help me with the creative direction, go follow my twitter @rickityrrrat !</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. How do the Fools Survive?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kushina is stressful and the medication Sasuke provides for Naruto's hand is not quite helpful with the underlying issue. So he takes matters into his own hands.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kushina not only liked Sasuke, but also offered him help around the kitchen after dinner. And this is when even I got sus of the two and their plans. Maybe Kushina was out to get me and was using Sasuke as a main device to do so? Revenge for cussing? Once everything was cleaned up and Kushina left, I went out to the balcony of our apartment to water the obsessive amount of plants I had. I’d recently gotten a grapy hyacin-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Does your hand hurt?” I’d recognize that voice anywhere. Maybe they planned on pushing me over the edge, and not figuratively but literally. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” if I kept my answers bland, he might lose interest or-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why do you keep cringing, or is it because you looked in the mirror once and it stuck with you.” ouch. Even I can admit his words kinda hurt, especially when he said them like that, I’m not claiming to be a prince charming but I wasn’t that bad looking either. Also he always interrupts my thou- “Well, either way, I should redo the bandages.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not done watering.” Sasuke stared on with intense eyes, he wouldn’t budge no matter what. It was a nice try though.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, now you are then.” and just to make him dragging me away from my only half-watered plants worse, he grabbed the bandaged hand without even sparing a bit of his strength for something else other than crippling my already kind-of crippled hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once we got to my shared room he started going through the first aid Lee had left in here earlier. What and why Lee was going to use it was a mystery to all of us. The bunk-bed Kiba’d found a year or so ago was no more a shared place of comradery where we hid liquor bottles and played dumb card games, but now a boring little place I sleep in. Apparently, dazing out was a specialty of mine, since missing all of the actually unwrapping of my hands but not the rewrapping or disinfecting-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>OW, GOD SASUKE.</em>
  </b>
  <span>” he stared indifferently-</span>
  <em>
    <span>indifferently, rude. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Stinging was an understatement of the state my hands were in, it wasn’t even a state, it was a burning hell. Well, ok, maybe Texas qualified then, but that’s not the point. This guy isn’t sparing my hands, and I frankly still need them. Well the one he was doing, not the one that was fine, because that one was fine and-ah you get it. “Sasuke, stop.” I tried to move my beloved hand away but he ended up gripping at it and that was even </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>painful. At this point he was just staring at me with these dark, beady eyes that scared me, but not enough for me to admit it of course and nothing on the level of Yamato’s scary face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He continued shoving liquid fire on my cuts and I’m not religious but </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesus Christ, </span>
  </em>
  <span>make it stop. “Sasuke, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>my eyes were watering, and I think I felt a tear drop down my cheek. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Woo-wey, this is painful. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The burning was doused out with a bag of frozen peas, and I couldn’t help look up at Sasuke’s calm face. He then wrapped the fingers cut up that were now a swampy yellow from the disinfectant. Quite harsh, inne?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The smell the liquid fire didn’t help my nostalgia over the days of drinking-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Days of drinking.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How about some real medicine, hm, Sasuke?” I started shuffling down to look under the bed where usually Kiba hid the alcohol he’d buy. And as I thought, it was right there, next to one of the shoe-boxes with sewing supplies. A whole bag of wine. </span>
  <em>
    <span>WINE. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I was about to scream in frustration because I thought he got </span>
  <em>
    <span>beer. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Not wine. </span>
  <em>
    <span>BEER.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sasuke laughed a bit, the sound may have been heavenly but the things he said after, made my smile drop in a millisecond. “And I thought you were better than that, maybe I should tell Kushina of your habits.” I gawked. He was threatening me with my own mother. Wow. Just wow.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And I was going to offer you some. Well, fuck you, I’ll just enjoy it on my own.” I made a ‘hmp’ and began to struggle with the wine cork of the first cabernet bottle. There were a total of 5 bottles. Two reds, three whites. “First day and you are in cahoots with Kushina. What a pain, then and now.” he laughed openly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Calm down.” he easily popped the cork out after grabbing the bottle from my now wrapped hands. I gawked again. This is ridiculous, he’s honestly just mocking me at this point. “I’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>love </span>
  </em>
  <span>to have some, thank you, Naruto.” He poured into a plastic red cup from the bag, grabbed a second and poured before offering it to me. I took it of course. I’d never give into such a challenge.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*************************************************************************************************************</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He was drunk. We finished the first red, and before an eye could blink, the second. And Naruto was visibly affected. Only an hour had passed since we started, and he was flushed beyond reason, that and his body kept losing balance, shuffling from side to side. I wasn’t the sober-est per say, but I wasn’t drunk enough to be a mess as Naruto was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kiba found we were drinking his wine and took all the whites, which even I could agree was for the best. He basically left me to babysit Naruto in his drunken glory. And there wasn’t much of it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yknow, threatnin’ me like dat, wit ma MOM. Sas’ke tha’s jus...” he did in fact, yell out the last part before addressing me. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>RU-” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he must’ve choked because he was coughing more than a tuberculosis patient, pausing then to stare at me. “-de.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This whole babysitting was amusing and all, and I was very tempted to record him and blackmail him later on, yet, I sucked up the moment. His behavior was crass within a second after his first glass, cussing and making lewd jokes became his new norm. Kiba came back and offered to take a shift of babysitting, or to play drinking games together. And other than being curious as to how much alcohol these four had before I even moved in, I refused, explaining it best to keep the beast ashore without any more alcohol to fuel him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I was proven wrong soon after.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I turned away from the dobe for one second-</span>
  <em>
    <span>one second,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he was holding a bottle of </span>
  <em>
    <span>vodka. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I sighed and rubbed my temples. Other than the dozens of questions about </span>
  <em>
    <span>where </span>
  </em>
  <span>he got the alcohol, as well as the scenarios, this idiot was making drinking stressful. Maybe I did take it and hit back a few swigs, but with or without it, the numerous glasses of wine in me was enough to make me feel flushed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The vodka didn’t help. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It had only been three hours since the two opposites began drinking together. Less than an hour since the other three joined. Lee and Neji were huddled up together, Neji silent while Lee (a lightweight of lightweights) was rumbling and simultaneously strangling Kurama. Kiba was on the floor, face up, and eyes closed. Maybe dead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto and Sasuke on the other hand, were in an interesting position. Huddled up just as closely as Neji and Lee, and both drunk off their asses. The whole group, on a quick whim, chose to play drinking games. First they played some dumb games, such as most likely, which got everyone drunk </span>
  <em>
    <span>very quickly. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Even now, continuing a new round, the group still wasn’t at it’s brightest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The first question started off poor for Kiba.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who would most likely break all the furniture in the house?” Neji asked first sarcastically, but then everyone pointed. Naruto to Kiba, Lee to Kiba, everyone to Kiba. Kiba, as if reanimated, sharply shoved his body up and looked at the other </span>
  <em>
    <span>very drunk </span>
  </em>
  <span>men with hurt, but happily took the four shots.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright then,” he wheezed from the burn in his throat. “Who would most likely lock themself out of the apartment?” a grin was very present on Kiba’s features as he slowly raised his arm to point to Naruto. The blonde in question was drunk off his ass, and to fuel the fire which Kiba knew the result of, he wanted him to drink more. But to his dismay him and Sasuke were the only ones to point to him. Two shots is more than no shots.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the game went on, they decided to switch to do or drink. And it got weird quick. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aside from the clear sexual undertones between Neji and Lee, there were plenty of dumb ones that proved the mentality of the group. Alas, even with almost every ‘do’ being ‘done’, they somehow managed to find opportunities and reasons to drink more, the result being five young, dumb, and drunker than mum boys, who would make alcoholics retire in shame from their drinking.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Moo like a horse fer the nest TWO ROUNDS!” slurring was a group lingo now, everyone was </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>than just visibly drunk. Plenty of messes of limbs everywhere, nothing was clear anymore.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“MOO, moo, </span>
  <em>
    <span>moo moo moo, </span>
  </em>
  <span>moo moo MOO MOO MOO!” Neji was sober-well sober is a strong word-not drunk enough to remember to record Lee mooing like a madman. “Yes, Lee, I understand your struggle.” more mooing and Kurama screaming was being saved for the future generations of the world to see. Live like there’s no tomorrow they said, and now they got what they asked for. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Next was Sasuke’s turn. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Dobe,</span>
  </em>
  <span> since yer a little </span>
  <em>
    <span>less drunk </span>
  </em>
  <span>now-” Sasuke was soon interrupted. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>No, Sasuke, sheesh. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iss not le-ss dr-unk, it’s so-ber.” Sasuke stared at Kiba as he pronounced every syllable carefully, and the other did the same. “Wait, sober?” Kiba began mumbling about proper english and grammar, even though he was in a cultural history class and dyslexic. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Right! Naruto,” finally Sasuke continued, as the blonde watched everything with glazed eyes. “Drink if you’re gay.” everyone stared silently at Sasuke as if suddenly sobering up, of course not Naruto, he was way too gone to even be in the same universe as the rest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wrong game, smartass.” barking out a laugh like his dog, Kiba was on all-fours, </span>
  <em>
    <span>also like his dog, </span>
  </em>
  <span>now </span>
  <b>angrily </b>
  <span>mumbling about rules of drinking as pals and as roommates and how important it was to stick to the game chosen by the group. “Oh, Kibbles, relax, I was just joking.” Neji couldn’t help but stare at the now hysterical Sasuke laughing nothing alike to the calm, collected and cold man, well that and the now grossly hysterical Kiba too. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto took a shot.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone panicked when the </span>
  <em>
    <span>blackout drunk,</span>
  </em>
  <span> barely sitting </span>
  <em>
    <span>dumbass,</span>
  </em>
  <span> took another shot of vodka. Naruto wasn’t insured like Neji, or Sasuke, or Kiba (he was insured exactly because of the amount of injuries he’s had). When Naruto layed down and just looked at the ceiling without making a single noise, everyone immediately sobered up. Neji was argueing with Lee whether or not to call Kushina, Sasuke was arguing with Kiba about how irrisponsible the house was and the amount of alcohol with such a lightweight was stupid and how they should’ve known better, Kurama was yelling in the corner of the room. It was all a mess.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Guyz-” Naruto moaned/groaned in a pained/confused daze. Just like they sobered up in milliseconds, their heads also whipped their attention towards him in milliseconds. It must’ve hurt too seeing how many (just Neji) of them winced in some sort of pain and even gripped their necks in a nursing way (also just Neji). “Com’ ‘ere.” everyone shuffled closer to the long gone drunk, who was raised by his shoulder to face the group by Sasuke, as if these were his final words of wisdom for the world.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Rem’ber how I wus in Hi-gh Sch-uel.” Naruto was looking off into the distance, eyes glassy from liquor and stupidity. His usual cerulean eyes were a mucky cyan darkened at the corners by tears. Why he was crying, a question asked by scientists all around the world to this day. “An’ how I us’ta take yer pencils, eh, ‘ske?” everyone was confused, even the somewhat named person of the question. Even with his last brain cell, Sasuke couldn’t remember Naruto ever taking his pencils.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I us’ta think yer pan-sils wa better than me-e.” Sasuke couldn’t help the stare he gave Naruto. The way he was holding him in his arms, both very intoxicated and definitely not capable of walking in a straight line; it was somehow romantic. Even the way Naruto’s head lulled to the side and everyone around, of course not Sasuke though since he was busy staring, had started panicking he was dead and that they killed their friend only for them to drink in celebration that Naruto had simply fallen asleep. Sasuke couldn’t drink, nothing was processing in his system.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And while Kiba was begging Naruto to stay with them, Sasuke’s mind was preoccupied. There was something about Naruto, something that made many people like him, and somehow even Sasuke, the kid with no friends, a hatred for everything and anything; somehow he unintentionally got Sasuke to feel something warm and pleasant towards a complete blockhead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ANOTHER SHORT CHAPTER IM SORRY!!<br/>I keep forgetting to update, I have another chapter edited I just don't want to post it until I at least start the next chapter, so til then you wonderful people!</p>
<p>muah muah, love you all</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. You're in Trouble</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sasuke is in trouble, maybe Naruto can help? </p>
<p>Apparently no.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>1. Hangover</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A list of reasons why my day was simply awful was beginning to form in my head before I even opened my eyes. The painful hammer rattling my heads’ insides only worsened tenfold when I squinted at the light hitting my lashes through the gaps in the curtains. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Seriously,</span>
  </em>
  <span> was it so hard to close them the night before? Though even remembering bits and pieces of the aforementioned night gives a good enough excuse for the absence of effort on our parts.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Somehow, in </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>drunken glory, Naruto and I ended up in a mess of blankets and limbs, though </span>
  <em>
    <span>thankfully </span>
  </em>
  <span>both of us </span>
  <em>
    <span>clothed.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Which was disgusting, knowing we didn’t shower or change before retiring for the night if you will. Ignoring the limbs entangled with mine that gave a completely natural response of embarrassment, I tried to sit up and immediately regretted it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>2. Back pain</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While I wheezed in horrific pain, Naruto seemed fine as he sprung up and ran to the restroom. Or well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>not really. </span>
  </em>
  <span>As soon as he even made it (which I hope he did), he began to empty out his stomach in a not-so-quiet manner. Another disgusting thing, maybe I should start a list of disgusting things that happened today while I’m at it? While he busied himself with that, I went to get painkillers to feel less </span>
  <em>
    <span>dying</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Though the lovely </span>
  <em>
    <span>nauseating </span>
  </em>
  <span>sound from the restroom just down the hall made the usually easy pills go down with a gag.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lee soon made an appearance with a grimace on his face, he clearly wasn’t enjoying the pleasant noise either. Though soon it was apparent the issue wasn’t the disgusting noise with very audible pants following suit, it was the fact that Naruto wasn’t well enough to make him breakfast. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What a tragedy.” finally the awfully straight and unreadable voice came. A reasonable person. Though once I saw Neji’s grimace, I realized he wasn’t reasonable or joking either. “We have cereal?” I couldn’t help questioning since we </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>in fact have cereal, and they </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>in fact make their own breakfast. Another grimace came from both their features. “But Naruto always makes us breakfast, plus it’s probably stale.” Lee looked genuinely upset while Neji shrugged it off and took off to the streets for food.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>3. Stale cereal</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was indeed stale. I ate it dreadingly and finally noticed the silence. To say the least I was happy I didn’t have to add ‘Naruto hugging the toilet bowl’ as a part of the list. He didn’t, though, make breakfast for the rest, not even after trudging off to his room, which I was glad those three would finally grow up a bit and just make eggs or something. They were in their 20s for crying out loud. Kiba joined soon after the silence came down, looking far better off than Lee and I, and that’s also not including Naruto. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Boy, Naruto sounds and probably looks like shit.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounded.” I corrected.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounded.” for some reason Kiba felt the need to repeat my correction with a finger pointing in my direction. He sat down finally and joined us in eating stale cereal. It was a pity party to say the least, three lads eating stale cereal with nothing but silence covering the room. A very, </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>uncomfortable silence. </span>
  <span>I would say any day uncomfortable silence is </span>
  <em>
    <span>awful,</span>
  </em>
  <span> it was still better than Kiba barking at Akamaru and Lee </span>
  <em>
    <span>encouraging it, </span>
  </em>
  <span>saying it was strengthening their bond</span>
  <span>. And of course Neji recording it all after he came back from a cafe with nothing but a cup of water (he forgot his wallet), he needed it for his little collection of dirt on us, that and Kiba's Instagram page with tips and tricks for dog owners. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This was fine, watching from the side-lines, enjoying the sight of three idiots trying not to accidentally off each-other. Of course as the chaos shifted closer towards me, I didn’t recognize the danger and kept peacefully and </span>
  <em>
    <span>ignorantly </span>
  </em>
  <span>drinking my cup of burning hot bitter black coffee. Other than the occasional snicker at the three I was glued to the minute morning phone check-up, there was no reason for karma to be so harsh and douse me in hot black coffee. Burning hot black coffee.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Burns are painful, but painfuller is the fact that no one was helping and instead arguing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Neji shocking me with a shout and Lee staying silently off to the side, Kiba </span>
  <em>
    <span>growling </span>
  </em>
  <span>like an actual dog with his </span>
  <em>
    <span>actual dog,</span>
  </em>
  <span> it all had me staring at the bunch of lunatics like they were-well, lunatics. Five more minutes of this and I considered offing myself <em>myself</em>, and worse yet, my hangover only began to pound louder and harder. Kurama joined me in staring at the idoits and soon, the devil himself, his owner.<br/></span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you four </span>
  <em>
    <span>kidding me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?!” Naruto hissed the last words before gripping his head either in anger or in pain, seeing as he also hadn’t yet recovered from the hangover. “I can’t leave you-” he finally locked eyes with me and his eyes trailed down. My blood though, trailed up and straight to my face avoiding the burn sight naturally to save my blood, or something. He sighed heavily, dragging his feet to either argue with the rest or clean up, it was genuinely hard to tell. The others didn't agree though. <br/></span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Naruto, you need to help out Sasuke." albeit Kiba said it like a <em>human, </em>I didn't necessarily feel safe with his voice and shadowed smile. Neji stared at him along with Lee before seemingly catching onto his plans, what those plans were was what really concerned me. Naruto absolutely did not catch on though, meaning him and I were both out of the loop, meaning the house might be burnt down in our absence. And Naruto knew this as well. "Why can't you guys do it, I have an <em>aw-</em>"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Precisely!" we all cringed. Lee must've been lucky enough to have no hangover <em>whatsoever, </em>seeing his rather enthusiastic approach towards manipulating Naruto into leaving. "-that is why you should leav-go help Sasuke. So you both can go to a quieter environment and recover!" I side-eyed Naruto hoping, <em>praying</em>, he'd catch my eye messages and <em>stay here. </em>The gods only know what they would do once the only stable pillar in the building fa-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I guess, c'mon ass." after sighing heavily I simply had to add a comment about not setting the kitchen on fire. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Neji's satisfied grin, Lee's cheers of hurrahs and Kiba's little not-too-human noises confirmed the death sentence Naruto willingly dragged us into and I couldn't stop my hand roughly contacting my forehead in hopes of changing my brain wiring to theirs to actually <em>understand their god fu-</em></span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Christ, shit musta really gotten to ya, seein’ how quiet ya’ve been.” I wanted to <em>not-so-gently </em>slam my hand into my face once again realizing he didn't even catch on to the ploy the others were plotting. Though he did wake up and spit his insides to the outsides, so would  it even be fair to say he was dumb? No.<br/></span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What the fuck was I gon’ do?” all I thought was taken back soon after he </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>asked me. Wow. The man never ceased to amaze me. He stared at me with narrowed eyes, looked down again of course averting his eyes immediately though, before he thought I would catch them. I did of course, to his probable dismay, as this time his cheeks grew red. The hangover must’ve gotten him good too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go change o’ somethin’.” his slurring, or slurrin’ if you will, was actually getting annoying. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop slurring, usuratonkachi.” that woke him out of his sickly daze.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The fuck that mean?” I laughed, </span>
  <em>
    <span>loud, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he replied quickly though. “Cus’ if it’s language, I’ll have you know I know some stuff.” I laughed again at his slurring and ridiculously competitive nature.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Says you who asked me what I said meant.” squinting </span>
  <em>
    <span>somehow more, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he smiled what could only be described as the simper of the devil. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Et je vais vous faire savoir, </span>
  <em>
    <span>monsieur.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I paused, my whole body stiffening to the sound of the French rolling off his tongue perfectly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Since when did he speak French?!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He stared at me happy to see his French, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> I will </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>pardon it, was getting to me. It wasn’t my fault French sounded absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>delightfully </span>
  </em>
  <span>with his voice and his face and-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>4. Naruto’s french</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now I was actually ready to strangle the blonde, seeing him happily smile after seeing me freeze up to him speaking a foreign language. Which, by the way- “Since when do you speak French?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He was for some reason surprised to hear me ask. Stuttering even. “We-well I, hah, I took a few classes in college after-” he looked somewhat distraught just knowing I know he knows French. Even the thought of that sentence made me cringe a bit with its mouthfullness and gave him the wrong idea. “I mean, I don’t know anyone else who speaks French other than me, and well my old professor and old French buds, but it was a whole thing for me, like I lived in Paris for a few months-” </span>
  <em>
    <span>he lived in Paris?!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“-and I studied in the University of Paris-which by the way, was absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>beautiful</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>and he studied there?! </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Just as confused and surprised as my thoughts was my face, and he genuinely looked uncomfortable as he rambled on about how much he enjoyed it but then all that political stuff happened and he left and this was his first year back-it was an overdrive of information and I was barely keeping up. “Well, french-boy, I guess I’m not the only international person now, am I?” his eyes were clouded with confusion at the tone I used and the words spewing from my mouth, inviting him to argue, to start a discourse. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t say you're </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>international.” his smirk made it look as if he’d already won, which was not going to happen in any universe. Just as I was about to argue the universe really made that happen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you kidding me?” to see Lee, yes </span>
  <b>Lee</b>
  <span> say that of all people, was odd. Me and Naruto both had faces of shock, though probably for different reasons, while Lee looked frustrated. “It clearly is me who is the most international. My adventures rival that of Jiraiya’s!” <br/></span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Neji was holding Lee's arms with anger once again present on his face just as it was earlier. This time though it was with a touch a stress tinging his brows that made me look at him with a quirked brow. Kiba though was nowhere in site making my concern skyrocket. </span>
  <span>“What adventures?” there was a touch of fear in my words, </span>
  <em>
    <span>but for good reason. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His smile scared me more than anything yet. And that was impressive. It’s Lee we’re talking about here after all, not Neji or some weirdo like Itachi. After Neji visibly gave up he followed suit after Lee, shifting his weight to end up behind the bowl cut boy, hugging him as if to encourage him to traumatize me or something. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Should I be worried?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It was a wonderful time!” I looked to Naruto, who had a bead of sweat slowly running down his cheeks, going over the whisker-like scars like rocks to a river. “Senior year of high school my AP German class planned this big trip!” </span>
  <em>
    <span>and he took German?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d been saving for that trip for </span>
  <em>
    <span>months </span>
  </em>
  <span>when we went, and I will say it was delightful, not just the food but the people, the streets, the everything!” a sigh came very audibly from Naruto who then turned to face me with an obvious look of ‘shut up I’m giving you advice’. “Don’t do this by the way, it’s the </span>
  <em>
    <span>dumbest </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing you’ve done Lee! You shouldn’t be </span>
  <em>
    <span>proud </span>
  </em>
  <span>of it!” just like a mother hen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh hush Naruto, he’s special.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Great input Neji.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut it, Uchiha.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Guys, let me tell you of my story.” it was almost a whine, the noise Lee produced that is. His voice is just too high-pitched for my poor ears, and with a hangover it got painful quickly. “Thank you, as I was saying; we go on the trip and it’s wonderful! But-” he paused again looking again to Naruto who had the disapproving glare still there.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But what?” I had a feeling the end of this story wasn’t too legal considering Naruto’s response. Sadly before Lee could continue with his lovely story or with the hiss that was supposed to ensue silence, there was a loud, high-pitched, </span>
  <em>
    <span>painful </span>
  </em>
  <span>noise coming from the ceiling. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The fucking smoke detectors.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Panic instilled once more as we all shuffled and looked at each other with wide eyes, especially Naruto’s, oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>god </span>
  </em>
  <span>was he not happy with this turn of events. I prefer Lee’s story over </span>
  <em>
    <span>a fire </span>
  </em>
  <span>anyday, to be honest. “Maybe one of the alarms is faulty or something?” Naruto said hopefully as he started to speed-walk out of my bedroom into the main living area. And after there was a shout </span>
  <em>
    <span>clearly </span>
  </em>
  <span>from Naruto.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>We rushed into the living area to see what the commotion was, and it was there. There was a huge, and I mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>huge </span>
  </em>
  <span>fire blazing away in the middle of the stove top. Naruto was in tears already yelling at Kiba from the floor, who thought it was a genius idea to use matches to speed up cooking eggs. They did not stay sunny side up for long. Neji was calling 911, Lee was trying to stop Naruto from strangling Kiba after having a short mental breakdown on the floor, the big white dog that Kiba never says the name of was barking at Naruto, Kurama was staring at the fire closely from the counter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck have I moved into?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>4. My roommates</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I left seconds later, it was just too early to deal with these lunatics.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Too early. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The balcony I had only seen for a few seconds while I was dragging Naruto out by his injured hand since I just love him </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much, </span>
  </em>
  <span>was a cozy thing sitting calmly atop the city looking down. The plants Naruto had a </span>
  <em>
    <span>deeply concerning </span>
  </em>
  <span>number of were like a jungle in the infinite gray, and calming amongst the </span>
  <em>
    <span>insanity </span>
  </em>
  <span>I apparently would be stuck with for the next year or so. And if it was going to be this way I would just have to frequent this jungle. Or jump.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Through the window I could see the firetruck ringing around the corner </span>
  <em>
    <span>also </span>
  </em>
  <span>with loud ass sirens. Everything is so loud here unlike in the peaceful countryside of Japan. I could also see Naruto running out to direct them still in tears looking just as worried as before. Other than the guilt that held me for a moment's notice, I couldn’t help remembering our days of friendship when we weren’t spewing sweet words of insults at each other all the time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Apparently the fire wasn’t big enough for us to go scott free of paying a damage fine to the apartment’s manager.” I scoffed at the comment the somewhat calmed down Naruto brought to me after minutes passing in a rush. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“How big does it have to be for us not to pay it?” Naruto looked to the side in thought. He hummed as if saying ‘not sure’.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can start another fire and finally contribute.” we both laughed at my dry attempt to lighten the mood that was clearly weighing on our duet. The rustling of leaves brought back the comfort of silence on us. “Let’s get back in, it's getting chilly.” it was getting colder as slowly with the moment the sun was consumed by the patchy sky.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto informed me that Kiba was forced to pay the fine out of his pocket since he caused the whole ruckus, he ran off to the bank to get his balance restored after Neji read him a whole lecture about his actions and equal opposite reactions and all of that wonderful stuff. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sadly, </span>
  </em>
  <span>we were forced to listen in as well. And I understood why for Lee, why Naruto though?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why does Naruto have to listen to your lecture too?” my opinions have been voiced, I may take my leave.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t go defending your boyfriend yet, he hasn-'' Naruto and I were both coughing from choking on who knows what, that and the fact that we didn't want him to continue. While breathing was hard, it was just as bad as actually hearing the rest of whatever he was going to finish with. As we wheezed like asthmatics would, Neji patted our back with Lee and told us about being ok with us being gay, which was a no-shit-Sherlock as we both teared up in pain. Naruto ran to his room screaming like bloody murder which was definitely going to get us a noise complaint, a sigh escaping me once more after everything and everyone </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally </span>
  </em>
  <span>became silent.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What have I moved into? I keep asking but just come up with no answer.” Neji cackled while covering his eyes, “I ask myself that too.” and this time I squinted at him with doubt. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But you're just as bad as those other three.” I didn’t even notice the words slip out until Naruto joined us with a harsh laugh and a grinning Kiba that clearly talked him into returning (probably with promises of alcohol or money). Neji stared at me before lowering his head in obvious disappointment and whispers of ‘am I really?’ and ‘is that how they see me?’. <br/></span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OH MY GOD!” we all stopped everything we were doing and turned to Naruto after he shrieked his sentence out of the blue. My eyes blinked at the gaping Naruto expectantly, all he did was shuffle for his phone and struggle with the passcode since the touch ID didn’t work for him anymore. Seeing the way he treated it I could also see why.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We haven’t added him to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>groupchat.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>everyone’s eyes were wide while Naruto finished his sentence. Naruto out of obvious excitement, and the other two, well they’re a mystery even to me. Lee walked in after hearing Naruto and I sat quietly wondering once again why and how and what and my life's mistakes, also making me realize Lee left in the first place. I was staring in the direction of the balcony as my phone was thrifted from my hand with a grunt escaping me, but no fight. I had none of it left.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Psh, of course he doesn’t have a passcode and a boring background of blue. Very basic, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sasuke.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>I hate this man, I swear I hate him. He must always worm his way into my private life and ruin it for me. Even with every fault I thought of, I still wasn’t angry with the man poking my phone into another world. I can even admire his determination and his open personality while I stay closed in with my hieroglyph method of communicating, leaving everyone close to me distant. Yet this-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“RATT? You like Ratt?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” I looked at Naruto dumbfounded once again. He stared back with anger burning in his eyes and tears on his lashes. Neji was back in laughing spirits and so was Kiba, however Lee looked upset too.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ratt? Do you like the band Ratt?” I blinked a last time before nodding and he groaned. Tears were actually streaming down his face and I was just getting more and more confused by the second. “Naruto hates Ratt with a burning passion.” Neji also answered with tears in his eyes, though from laughing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It apparently physically hurts him.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just an 80’s rock band?” Neji nodded while Kiba continued laughing in the background. It isn’t actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>bad, yes, they did have cringey songs, but every band does. What’s so bad with Ratt?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We use it if he gets too annoying, though once Kushina came by and also hated it so much she broke the stereo playing the disk. Minato was fine though, he just stared at his child and wife screaming at his son’s roommates for playing an 80’s rock band. Those were the days.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>5. Ratt (Naruto added this one, not me)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I stared once more at the people in front of me and slipped off to the balcony. I think I’d rather sleep with the plants than with the people of this household. They were insane. Batshit, coconut breaking, clinically insane. I’d call Itachi, tell him this was impossible, that the people were just too mentally unstable for my still functioning brain that could get ruined amidst it all. The leaves of the plants rustled once again as Kurama joined me to chew loudly and </span>
  <em>
    <span>annoyingly </span>
  </em>
  <span>on a green tree-thing. I looked at him and he looked back at me, it was like we understood each other’s pain. At least I think that’s what he was conveying.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With the beast though, comes the owner. Naruto joined us as I stared out the window blankly for what felt to me like hours. He looked at me confused but seeing Kurama eating the tree-plant thing he squeaked and ran to his fat cat’s side. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“NO! Kurama what have I told you about eating the monstrera plants! They’re poisonous!” apparently Naruto also fancied poisonous things just like Itachi. Neither knew it, but they were quite alike. I feared living here even more after realizing that. After swatting away Kurama, and scolding him like he was a schoolboy drawing on someone’s face as they peacefully slept away, Naruto turned to me with a concerned expression.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s still cold out y'know. You can’t sleep on the balcony, you’ll catch a cold.” I stared at him as I thought it over. “I have a good immune system, I’ll be fine.” he still looked concerned even after my poor attempt at reassuring him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, but when you do get sick, you’re still helping me take Kurama to the vets.” I raised a brow.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not for the poisonous plants being inside him, vaccines. His rabies shot is gonna be outdated after tomorrow so I called the vet and scheduled it.” I wasn’t relieved to hear Kurama was going to be fine, bullshit. “I mean you don’t want another roommate with rabies now do you, so you’re going to help me with dragging him to the vets.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That honestly doesn’t sound too bad, almost like a break.” he smiled softly but his face dropped towards the end. I wasn’t the only person who got tired of the other three all the time, so we really understood each other in that aspect, at least that’s what I thought until my eyes followed his to see Kurama on the large plant shelf. Naruto gasped and pointed to the top shelf’s biggest pot slowly being pushed off by Kurama. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As I ran to catch it, I barely missed it </span>
  <em>
    <span>slamming into my head.</span>
  </em>
  <span> My brains almost got slammed out. My head almost got beat off course by a </span>
  <em>
    <span>huge ass pot. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Naruto, and for this I thank him genuinely, pushed me out of the way last millisecond and landed on top of me to top it off. As we both stared at the scraps of the pot and panted at the near-death experience that was new to me, I looked up to Naruto, who after another minute realized I was staring at him. He looked down and squeezed out a sigh of relief as he finally stood up and offered a hand to me. Even standing I was suddenly hyper aware of every pot on the damn balcony in nothing but </span>
  <em>
    <span>fear. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Still wanna stay out here?” the asshole started laughing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Laughing</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Even if I was laughing with him, which eventually became painful, I pushed him out from the balcony fearing Kurama’s apparent bloodlust. Finally after our apartment had a fire, dog-people, a murderous cat, there was a list of positives being drafted;</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ol>
<li><span>Naruto.</span></li>
</ol>
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